Organization XIII: My Insider's Look
by Alisyn Coleman
Summary: DiZ has been suspicious of the Organization XIII for some time. But the Organization has gotten too familiar with DiZ's trusty spy, Alisyn. It's time to get serious. Alisyn now goes in depth as the newest nobody in the group. Takes place before/during CoM
1. Prologue: DiZ, Ever the Manipulator

Organization XIII: My Insider's Look

Hm...just started this story...but my character's cooler than my others xD Anyway, comments appreciated, constructive criticism please, and hope you enjoy (oh yeah any suggestions for titles are great, for chapters or the whole story or anything because I SUCK at making up titles :D ) Anyway, I'm trying to make this so that people who don't play Kingdom Hearts can understand it, but I might need some help...of course, people who don't play probably won't want to read...but it never hurts to make sure, right? :)

Oh yeah, interesting tidbit: another story I came up with, while I was getting into the shower xD

So:

**Organization XIII: My Insider's Look**

Prologue: DiZ--Ever the Manipulator

The heartless took my world six years ago. Heh, I was only eleven then. My, how time flies.

I won't go into the details--they're none of your business. But I guess I have to say spying ran in the family. Typical, I know, but that's how it was. I was always taught to keep information about myself to myself. You have no idea how crazy this is driving me, just telling you this.

Anyway, so once upon a time this guy who called himself DiZ needed a spy, and he was too scared to get off his butt and do it himself. So he used the dirtiest tactic to get himself one.

He just showed up one day when my parents were away (can I say stalker much?), and talked to me, and offered to give me all this crap just like all the adults tell you the big scary kidnappers will do. So of course, I screamed, kicked him, and ran back into the house. (Contrary to popular belief, it seems, my parents did NOT teach me their awesome martial artist skills at such a young age--they were going to wait until I came of age, and then see what I wanted to do with my life.)

So the only thing I could do was hit and run. But the dude grabbed me and dragged me to what he called his gummi ship, and I looked out the window as we took off and there are a bajillion heartless creeps overrunning the place.

For those of you lucky enough to never see one of those--they're these weird shadowy-looking beings without hearts, obviously, and they go around stealing other people's hearts and feeding off the darkness in them. So then those people turn into heartless, too. And then the empty shell of the body left behind is the nobody, which technically doesn't exist. The hearts go to a place called Kingdom Hearts, and when there are enough Organization XIII, a little group of the most powerful nobodies, who have actually retained a human appearance, plans to use the hearts to become real. Oh, and the heartless's favortie snack is the heart of a world...they get there through the keyhole of the world, and then gone is the heart, gone is the world, and everyone on it. The only thing that can stop the heartless is the keybearer, who now would be a kid named Sora, and he's supposed to go around locking keyholes so the heartless can't get through.

Ha, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm used to giving all the information I know.

So anyway, as I'm watching through the window at my world's destruction, the freaking jerk points and tells me insensitively, "See? I saved you from that."

And I scream in my head, "You idiot, if you really cared about random strangers that much you might've actually picked up my family and everybody else, too!" I was smart enough to know he just wanted to use me for something...and, knowing my parentage, I could guess why.

This DiZ wanted a young spy that he could train up to do everything he told them and then send out into all kinds of dangerous situations so he wouldn't have to risk his neck.

Not that I mind dangerous situations. But you have to admit, that's just wrong. And I'm ashamed to say I made it painlessly easy for DiZ to manipulate me. I even thought of him as a sort of second father. But now I've finally woken up and seen how fake it all was. Thanks to two things: my last mission...and a girl named Namine.

My first mission was half a year later. I picked up the martial arts and other stuff DiZ taught me pretty quickly. I have to say, I was a pretty good spy. Every mission was more successful than DiZ had been hoping.

Though there were a few...accidents...where I let slip my presence...and well, now my main subject, the Organization, knows my name pretty well.

DiZ doesn't approve of my reckless risks taken to gain more information...but I say, as long as I don't get captured or killed or anything, who cares? The more info, the better, right?

And I haven't been caught once, despite being 1 on the Organization's Most Wanted List, with every physical feature carefully journaled.

But DiZ, the worry-wart, was concerned about my infamy. So for my seventeenth birthday present, he gave me my toughest mission of all...but I must say, the most fun, and the one I owe my life to.

So feel lucky--I'm actually about to tell you top secret, classified, confidential, extra hush-hush information. Enjoy.


	2. A FullFledged Mission

Sorry about the hiatus. A lot has been happening. And writing just kinda fell to the wayside. Thanks to Kee Blayd for giving me the motivation and the reminder to stop being selfish and get my lazy butt in gear.

**Chapter One: A Full-Fledged Mission**

--Age 17--

"Alisyn."

_Ignore him, Ali. Just keep sleeping. Wonderful, wonderful sleep._

"Alisyn."

_No, too tired. Go away._

"Alisyn!"

"Yowch!"

I sat bolt upright in bed. DiZ's prick-Ali-with-a-needle-and-laugh-at-her-pain trick never failed. Well, I guess he had to think of something besides the classic water dump. I love water so much that I'll just keep on sleeping, and smile like Ive just been pushed into a nice pool.

I glared at him, with his customary smirk, but he ignored me. "You really need to learn not to be so sensitive. It's just a little prick."

I thought of jabbing the needle into his arm over and over again and asking him if it hurt. That made me feel better.

I didn't hate DiZ yet. No, on the contrary, this is how I act around all my closest ones. Sickening that this guy was actually one of them at one time.

Also, I'm not a morning person and if you get me up yourself, you _will _be the object of my full-blown loathing.

Irritatingly, DiZ was used to this and no longer paid any attention to my fits. "You've had a long break where I've let you do as you please," he said, walking into the kitchen that was next to my room. "Now you're paying for an irregular sleep schedule."

I rolled my eyes at his blather and collapsed back onto my sweet, blessed pillow.

"I want you _up_, Alisyn," DiZ called from the other room.

I groaned, and then with about five hundred pounds of willpower I got myself up and into the kitchen to grab some food, sulking every step of the way.

"You're leaving today," DiZ told me matter-of-factly from his seat as I joined him at the table.

"No, really?" I returned irritably, chomping down on my cereal.

"Yes, really," the old guy said, unphased as ever. "You packed everything, correct?"

"Well, duh."

"Then the ship is ready, and you should be able to leave after breakfast."

"After lunch."

DiZ stared at me, exasperated. "Alisyn, you should really be able to function efficiently in the morning by now. If you haven't learned by now, you've got a serious fault."

I shrugged and got up to wash my bowl. "I can't work in the morning. So what? Deal with it. If you want me to screw up big time, go ahead and send me now. Otherwise, I've gotta have time to wake up. Besides, I'm probably going to be sleeping in all the time anyway, and it'll look suspicious if I wake up at six every day wide awake as a robot. So." Case closed. I put my dishes away and headed off to my room.

I heard the old guy sigh, but I ignored him. If I was going to go after lunch, I'd have to double-check my stuff and make sure everything was absolutely ready.

--

I stood in the tiny one-room ship, dyes and mixtures and outfits piled up in my arms.

"Alisyn, are you ready?" DiZ's face appeared in the mirror.

"Hello, what does it look like?" I told him, gesturing with my head towards my luggage.

"I'm going to start it up. Remember, you have a limited time to get ready on your way there. First--"

"I know, I know, we've just been over this." I set down my stuff and nonchalantly started the mini-ship myself.

DiZ spluttered when he heard the ship hum into life, and it was pretty funny, considering he's usually all calm and used to my carelessness. Then the mirror fogged up slowly, and he only had time for one last word:

"Don't get overconfident. Good luck."

Then the mirror was totally foggy, which meant the connection was closed.

And it was time for Alisyn to leave.

--

It didn't take that long to transform from whole to nobody. With my alibi, I couldn't look completely different. So when I wiped off the mirror and inspected the result, the only real shock was my hair.

I was glad when I heard that my boring, long brown wavy hair was to go. But DiZ was being a big annoyance, with his rules. "Make sure, nothing too outlandish. No highlights. No one else has highlights, and what's more, it's completely unnecessary."

But I'd been dying for highlights. My dinky, slight, natural red highlights didn't count. So the only way I wasn't using them was if I could have red hair.

Which I couldn't. That Axel guy already had red hair. And I wasn't going to have a hair color that only one other person had, and therefore have everybody unconsciously identify me with him. No way.

So highlights it was, whether DiZ liked it or not.

I decided on pink with purple highlights…but then I remembered that freaking hermaphrodite Marluxia had taken it. I swear, there's no way he's a guy. He controls _flowers, _for Pete's sake! Pretty pink ones!

And it didn't help my feelings toward him that he'd ruined my second choice.

But then, I thought of it. Purple with pink! It would definitely stand out, and look pretty flippin' sweet.

So that's what I did. I chopped off about a foot of my hair, until it was level with my chin, and I dyed it. It clashed with my bright green eyes perfectly, turning my head into one big cacophony of colors. Ah, I loved it: nice and crazy, and my three favorite colors to boot.

That was really the only change I had to make, my hair. That and my clothes. And that was simple. I just got a nice new outfit. I changed out of my baggy Pjs and into some loose brown cargo pants and a green tank top that matched my eyes quite nicely.

And there I was, Alisyn no more. I would find out my new name soon, if everything worked out right.

I looked out the window and was pleased to see I still had a little bit of time left. So I cleaned up my stuff a bit more and waited, getting myself into character.

"Wh-where am I? What the heck was that? Okay, so why am I here? Who are you? So what am I supposed to do?" I said randomly, making stupid faces in the mirror.

Okay, I didn't really like getting into character. It felt stupid. So I just goofed around instead.

Finally I felt the ship stop abruptly. Here I was, in Hollow Bastion.

Checking myself in the mirror one last time and taking a big breath, I stepped out into the flat wasteland, towards the big building looming out of nowhere. I could see the town being rebuilt, far off in the distance.

It was getting late--the sun had almost finished setting. From my past visits to the Organization, I knew that the overseer of this particular portal would have headed back to bed by now. So I was free to pop in without questions about the ship that had come directly to this supposedly hidden portal.

Which reminded me…I took out a small remote I'd stuffed in my pocket and pressed the lone button.

"See ya, sucka!" I yelled, throwing the remote at the ship.

Three seconds, then…BOOM! I watched with pyromaniacal delight as the ship exploded, taking the remote with it, and they disappeared into the air, leaving a short show of flames.

After the entertainment, it was off to work. Finally.

After three months of preparation, it was time to test my skills to the limit. Into the building I went, and then all was black.


	3. A Newbie at Last

This chapter gave me a lot of trouble… --

I like short chapters, though. xD

**Chapter Two: A Newbie at Last**

I arrived in a small room, highly disoriented but grinning ear to ear. I'd never been in one of those portals before--it was great. _Amazing_.

Finally, I forced my face to be serious. Now the act would begin. I was breathless with excitement.

Now, what would a nobody have done if they'd accidentally stumbled into a massive intense portal and ended up in some random room? It was just a plain white room, blindingly white like the rest of the castle. The only thing to break the whiteness was the single door.

The door…nope, locked.

"HEY!" I yelled, banging on it. "HEY! SOMEBODY LET ME OUTTA HERE!"

I listened for a moment. Nothing.

"HEEEEEEEYYY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, banging so hard my fists hurt.

"What, what, what's there?" I heard finally on the other side of the door. There was a thud, some rustling, and then the opening of a door…but not the one I was beating.

A short pause, then a grumble. "Luxord…"

Some shuffling. I pounded the door a bit more. "Hello? Helloooo? Who's out there?" I called, a tad bit softer.

"Huh?" The shuffling stopped. Then some quick steps, and the door opened to reveal Demyx, #9, the Melodious Nocturne.

I couldn't resist a laugh. He was terribly groggy, his eyes barely focusing and blinking rapidly. Oy, even from afar, Demyx was so adorable, despite his bravado.

Suddenly, though, he was alert, and his eyes wide. "I got one," he whispered, as in disbelief. Then he ran just outside the door across the room, yelling, "I got one! I got one! Heyyyy, guys, I got one, come look!"

I walked out of the small room and into Demyx's bedroom, looking quizzical yet amused. I stopped just behind him.

The door diagonal and to the right of this room opened with a slam, and out came Axel, #8, the Flurry of Dancing Flames.

"Demyx, what the hell are you doing?" he yelled, storming up to him angrily.

Another door opened farther down the hall on the other side. In my mind I checked her off: Larxene, #12, the Savage Nymph.

"Demyx, whatever stupid crap you're doing you'd better keep it down while we're trying to sleep!" she growled.

Demyx stopped his excited outbursts to quake before the angry pair. "Well…I, er…I, uh, found another nobody…I thought you should…know…" he stuttered, pointing at me.

The two eyes' instantly swerved to me simultaneously, and I held up my hands innocently.

There was a short silence. Then Axel muttered, smiling a bit, "Well, Larxene, looks like you're not the baby of the Organization anymore."

Larxene's eyes lit up. "Ooh, we've got ourselves a little newbie," she squealed delightedly, coming closer to inspect me. She stood back a bit, hands on hips, pursing her lips.

I was trying my best not to laugh at the trio's bedheads and pajamas.

"She…she is a nobody, right?" Larxene asked, without taking her eyes off me. My heart nearly stopped when I saw a slight bit of suspicion in her face.

"Of course she is," Demyx piped in courageously. "Real people can't come here because it doesn't exist, duh."

Larxene glared at him menacingly. "Stupid, you're forgetting…Alisyn comes here all the time, and she's not a nobody."

"Oh yeah…"

I averted my face to avoid any premature recognition.

Well, it was true. Thank DiZ for finding a way to get me there every time. I didn't understand how it worked exactly, but if he didn't tell me, it wasn't my job to know. Or so he had brainwashed me enough to think.

Larxene broke out of her pose and said decidedly, "I get to take her to the Superior."

"But--" Demyx broke in. "But, I found her--"

"Sorry, guys," Axel grinned. "Number 8 here. Seniority gets the call. Commit it to memory."

"But--"

"Don't argue with me, Demyx, I can have you turned into a Dusk before you can blink."

Dusks. Those were the most basic forms of nobodies. Only the most powerful nobodies could retain human form, and these were all in the Organization. But that could all be changed with the Superior's say-so. And Axel was the biggest one for pushing that threat.

Axel nodded to me. "Off we go, newbie."

He grabbed my wrist and pulled, so off I went, however involuntarily. As we left, I heard Larxene mutter, "Him and his stupid catchphrase."

Axel waved his hand carelessly, and there was a shriek. "AXEL!!" Then a door slammed, and soon after another one clicked shut.

"And that's why you don't cross someone who knows how to use fire," Axel smiled as he walked along. "So, newbie…remember your true name, by chance?"

"Wait a sec." I dug my heels into the floor, forcing Axel to stop, and I wrenched my arm out of his grip. Then I remembered: _emotionless…be emotionless…_ So I continued walking again. "What's the deal now? True name? Is there anything wrong with the name I have?"

Axel raised his eyebrow. "Do you have a name?"

I was beat. "I'm sure I do; just can't seem to recall it somehow."

Axel laughed again. "All right, I'll tell you now, but you're just going to hear it again. Once upon a time, a girl lost her heart to the heartless. After her heart was gone, all that was left behind was an empty shell. A nobody. You."

Luckily, since I was supposed to be emotionless, I didn't have to hide my bored expression at this old information.

"You're a powerful enough nobody that you can still think for yourself. You're still human…somewhat. But you're not real. Because nobodies don't exist. Hence, nobody."

"Okay, I get it," I said, quickly tiring of this lecture that had been ingrained in my head for six years.

"All right. So nobodies don't have feelings, because they don't have hearts. But Organization XIII--that's us--is trying to get hearts. So we can be real, and not just half a person." He hesitated for a moment, and then stopped and looked me in the eye. "Look, everyone in this castle has got some problem with being emotionless. Me, I don't care so much"--and yet I was surprised to see him look a little unsure about this-- "but everyone else does. The one thing they can feel is the emptiness. So…we pretend. We pretend to have feelings, and we've been pretending for so long that it almost feels like we _do _have hearts. But not quite."

He paused for a second. And then something happened that confused me completely.

Axel sighed. It was just a little sigh, but it sounded oh-so-sincere. And it was enough to make him freak out.

Immediately, his whole face took on an expression of mixed horror and bewilderment. "What the--?"

I stared at him impassively, but inside I was like, "What the crap?"

When he controlled himself, with a little cough, Axel strolled on like nothing had happened, though there was a little frown on his face.

I cleared my throat a little, to get his attention. "Um…I might be mistaken, but…wasn't that just now a sort of display of emo--"

"Ha! I'm a great actor, huh?" Axel grinned halfheartedly. It might have actually fooled anyone else, but not me. My job was observation. "Anyway, what I'm saying is, you've got to learn to pretend, too, or people might get a little cranky."

"I see…"

"My advice: start the act as early as you can. Preferably…now."

And there we were, at a nice fancy door with a big gold "SUPERIOR" embossed on it. Axel knocked and waited.

No answer. He rolled his eyes and knocked harder.

And again…no answer.

After a few tries, the door finally opened to a drowsy Xemnas, #1, the Superior and founder of the Organization.

"Axel," he growled as angrily as he could through his sleepiness, "I expect more from such a loyal member as you. Get back to bed--"

Then he noticed me. I flashed him an obnoxious smile. Now that I had the okay from Axel, I could actually _stop _acting and be myself, and everyone would be amazed at my so-called acting skills. Yup, no one would ever guess that _this _nobody had no heart.

"What's this?" Xemnas grinned suddenly. "New recruit?"

"Yep," Axel nodded. "Came in just a few minutes ago, through Demyx's out-of-the-way portal of all places."

"And what were you doing there?" the "Superior" asked me.

I shrugged. "I dunno, I was just there, and I didn't wanna sleep out in the open, so I went into a big building, and you guys rudely took me here and so I guess I'm not getting any sleep anytime soon, am I?"

Xemnas laughed. Man, that guy seriously creeps me out.

"No, unfortunately not. We've got a lot to do before I let you go."

He seemed to notice just then that he was standing in a hallway in nothing but a bathrobe. Charming.

"Well…" he coughed, "come inside." He hurriedly shuffled me inside and glared at Axel, who was trying to sneak in as well.

"What?" asked the redhead defensively. "There's no harm in me listening, is there?"

Xemnas sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you? No one is supposed to know anyone else's true name. It's just a name. Why do you all want to know so much?"

"If it's just a name, why do you care so much if I hear?"

Xemnas rolled his eyes and shut the door on him. I plopped down in a chair and looked around uninterestedly.

The old guy shooed me out of his chair and I was forced to stand. Geez, if anyone was going to tick me off during my time here, it was gonna be this guy…he gives me the creeps.

"So…do you by any chance remember your true name, or am I going to have to search your memories?"

Oh, dear. That wouldn't have been good. But of course we'd planned for that.

"Oh!" I said suddenly, scrounging around in my pockets. "I found…this, laying around where I woke up." I held out a card with my name and picture on it, and instantly he snatched it away.

He looked at it…he looked back up at me…and then he grinned that creepy grin of his.

"Well…this can't be true…wait…"

He inspected me with suspicion, while I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Well, I just can't believe our luck," he said finally.

Wow. Idiot. But it worked for me.


	4. Fitting In

I'm trying my best to avoid the traditional adorable clueless Demyx characterization, but it's more difficult than I thought. o.O

Just a note, in the journals at then end, hyphens around a set of text will be strikethroughs...phrases crossed out.

Oh and...this took a long time because technically I should be doing this crapload of summer homework...and so I'm doing neither my homework nor my writing. Terrible, I know. :)

**Chapter Three: Fitting In**

The rest of that night was a drag. We went through all the stuff I already knew, and then decided on my name. The next morning was planned to be a big long boring orientation type thing. I collapsed into my bed in my room marked "XIII" that night having lost all my excitement about this mission.

Luckily, my other organization-mates didn't turn out as boring as their leader. I woke up the next morning to a deluge of water in my face.

I smiled and turned over in my bed.

"Wake up. Come on…you're already late and I'm supposed to be responsible for you…" whined Demyx's voice, sadly bringing me back to reality.

"Demyx, you're so stupid!" cackled Larxene. "Let me show you how you wake someone up."

Whoa, whoa, bad sign. I tried to launch myself up, but it was too late.

"Ouch!" I glared at Larxene, the electric shock she'd sent through my still-drenched body still sizzling in my ears.

She laughed in that annoying, cocky way of hers and shrugged. "Well, do what I tell you from now on and I won't have to do that again."

I ignored her and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, assuming an extremely miffed expression. "What are you doing in my room?" I slurred tiredly.

"Oh, the newbie's getting mad at me, now. Or she thinks she is. Well, that's too bad!" Larxene shrieked, and flew out of the room.

I stared after her, because she was a retard. Then I turned back to Demyx.

"Well, can I get dressed then, or are we going to sit here and stare at each other until we miss the whatever-it-is entirely?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." Demyx blushed and hurried out of the room.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and shrugged on the standard Organization XIII cloak that had been left for me.

--

You don't wanna know about the…orientation whatever. It was boring. Basically what happened in three hours was my christening as "Nalixys" and a big long speech about goals and mission statements and cheesy stuff like that. All that, and I didn't even get my special nickname or my official weapon yet, because I was still a newbie. What a waste of time.

What was more interesting was the little lunch we had afterwards.

I was at the very end of the table, which wasn't terrible, except that I was sitting across from Larxene…and next to Marluxia. And those were our permanent seating arrangements for the next month or so that I was going to be there.

Why couldn't I have gotten to sit next to someone interesting, like…I dunno, Axel, or even Luxord?

It didn't turn out too bad, however. Marluxia didn't seem too fond of talking to Demyx, and Larxene was embroiled in some petty argument with Luxord. So the pink-haired guy turned to me instead. And though I was still mad at him for stealing my preferred hair color, he wasn't too bad.

"So," he said in a confidentially low voice, "are you really Alisyn's nobody?"

Despite his efforts, however, the immediate area heard. Larxene broke off mid-retort and she and Luxord turned to face me. Demyx leaned obnoxiously around Marluxia to get a better view. I even saw Axel glance towards us and continue his conversation with Zexion, to which I knew at that time he was only giving a small percentage of his attention. The other members noticed nothing.

I raised my eyebrows at the sudden interest. "How did you know my old name?"

"Oh, come on, it's so obvious!" Demyx broke in loudly before Marluxia hastily shushed him. He then explained to me, "It's not that hard to recognize the letters of a name we know so well."

"Huh? Why do you know…her…name?"

The listeners broke into laughter and Axel smirked.

"That Alisyn girl was always sticking her nose in our business," Luxord said. "She was a _lot_ of trouble for us."

"I always knew her nosiness would get her into trouble," Larxene snarled. "My only regret is that some Shadow got her before I did."

I grinned. "So I was like some kind of Bogeyman for the Organization. Do what your Superior says or Alisyn will come and get you!"

"Don't get cocky," Larxene grumbled. "You were just a minor annoyance. Nothing more."

I shrugged and went back to my mediocre food, until I felt Marluxia staring at me.

I looked up. "What?" I challenged.

Marluxia merely narrowed his eyes, sneered, and went back to eating.

I did the same, but now I was troubled. There was something very off about him…was it just because I got the feeling he knew my secret, or was it something else?

--

"I'm supposed to be your mentor. I'll train you and make sure you know the rules around here. Then when I feel like you'll really be a good, loyal member, I'll give you your nickname and your weapon," Demyx told me importantly when he cornered me after lunch. "That's when things will really start happening. You can set up your own portal to catch more recruits, and go on missions, and decorate your room some more."

I sighed. It was a good thing I already rocked at everything I did, because everyone knew Demyx was okay, but still not the most competent member of the Organization. He would probably be just as good, if not better, than everyone else if he wouldn't freak out all the time.

But then, he would probably be the easiest of which to wheedle information out. With him as my mentor, I'd have many more opportunities to take advantage of a trusted, yet flighty member. Yeah, that was how we had planned it, and it made sense.

I adjusted my cloak some and nodded. "Okay. So what's first on the agenda?"

"Um…" Demyx looked uncomfortable. "I dunno, they didn't really say…"

I sighed again and turned around, looking around while he made up his mind.

"Why dontcha give me a tour of the place so I know where I'm going? That might help for starters," I suggested after a long silence.

Demyx nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, of course."

So we set about, through the castle, through the Hall of Empty Melodies—my personal favorite, for the big platform and open space as well as the name—the Proof of Existence, with the eerie panels for each fully instated member…all the way up to the Altar of Naught. I loved this place, too, and I had only been able to sneak little glimpses of it before. It was really pretty, just the top of the tower open to the dark sky. Very faintly I could see the impression of a huge heart in the sky.

Demyx was a good tour guide, though, and he jumped into an explanation. "This is Kingdom Hearts," he said, suddenly showing immense excitement. "It's not much now, but soon, the Superior says enough hearts will be gathered that we'll…be able to exist."

He turned to me with this huge smile on his face, obviously expecting me to share in the anticipation. But I couldn't resist asking,

"So…why do we want to exist so much exactly? Isn't it easier not to have emotions in the way of things? Or to just have this world all to ourselves and not have to deal with anyone else? Why do we have to go to all this effort?

Demyx looked at me with utter confusion, and I knew I'd said the wrong thing.

"Because…" he stuttered. "Well, just…because. We…we just…I can't believe you don't just understand this…"

"What are you two doing up here?"

Oops. The Superior swooped down on us out of nowhere, and he wasn't too happy. Well, I was the newb, so I just let Demyx take care of it.

"I was just giving her a tour," Demyx explained quickly. "So she…you know, got used to the place…"

"You're not supposed to be up here without my permission," Xemnas hissed. "Especially not with _her_."

Demyx sighed and turned around, grabbing my wrist to pull me after him, back down the tower. "Fine, fine, we're going, geez."

I tried to keep up with him as he trounced down the stairs. "Well…I'm offended," I ventured, trying to break his sudden huffy mood, however…contrived it might be.

He didn't answer, but shook his head and smiled, slowing his pace.

I shrugged at his odd behavior and followed him back to the dormitory hall.

--

"So…what now?" I said when we reached the long hallway. Looking down it, I was once again amused at the Superior's obvious expectation of many, many more members than he had at present.

Demyx shrugged. "I dunno…it's kind of too late to do anything now."

He thought for a moment, then added, "Is everything in your room okay?"

"Well, it's kind of boring, but there's not really much that can be wrong with it, is there?" I laughed at the random question. "Unless there are some major pest problems I wasn't told about…"

The blonde nobody looked down, embarrassed. I mean…acting embarrassed. The distinction is important. "I dunno, just asking…" he muttered.

I sighed, snuggling my chin deeper into my comfy cloak and looking around the hallway awkwardly. That was when Pinky chose to come out from his room.

He gave me this weird look as he walked by. Like…a studying look. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Who knew, maybe he just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be some idiot spaz like Larxene. But I still didn't like the way he was acting.

"Let's keep walking," I muttered to Demyx, and I led the way down past the countless empty rooms. I glanced back to make sure Marluxia had left the area, and then I faced my mentor again and said, "Tell me about Marluxia. He keeps giving me these funny looks and it's starting to creep me out."

Demyx grinned. "Yeah, he's always been like that." He lowered his voice, just like any high school gossip would. I swear, these guys were great actors. "He didn't come in too long ago…he's only been here for a couple months. And for the first few days he would just be so quiet, just looking at everybody. It was really creepy. Then he started talking to a couple people and I guess they didn't mind too much. And he's done lots of missions already…really well, too. So he turned out to be a good member, I guess…for a newbie…"

I wondered interestedly if Demyx might be bothered by all these people below his rank surpassing him in terms of competence. But no, nobodies couldn't feel jealousy or anything.

"All right, thanks. I'm glad to know that," I told him gratefully. It really did relieve me a little. But I couldn't take chances, of course. I'd have to watch out for that guy.

"Of course," he returned. "Now we'd probably better get to dinner. The Superior doesn't like to be kept waiting."

I nodded and we were off.

--

_Journal: Day One_

_It's not too bad, really. I've made a decent impression on the lower members, and the older ones pay no attention to me. But once I totally earn the trust of the newer ones that will change. If things continue this easily, I should learn a lot of things in no time._

_Nothing really important was observed today, but there are a few interesting things I hadn't noticed before. The nobodies are really very, very involved in the charade of emotions__. --Many times I caught myself believing-- __A casual observer might even start to believe that Axel was really upset over his nonexistence, or that Demyx was really so hopeful and excited over the prospect of wholeness._

_This is when their -fake- emotions tend --__to come out--__ to be exaggerated the most, actually, when they are talking about their lack of emotions, or the promise that Kingdom Hearts is to them. It's so bizarre to see them all --__hold such a thing so dear to their hearts-- __make such a contrived fuss over the mess of emotions and existence._

_But there are more subtle things. Eating meals together is deemed very important. And at these meals, they --__feel like a real family-- __are able somehow to create a very familial atmosphere in the very slightest actions that even the most expert actor wouldn't know to do._

_Ah, but I've elaborated too much. I simply meant to say that it's remarkable how seriously they take this game of pretend. I'm sure it comes in handy for the evil things they plan to do…trying to convince people they are misunderstood and all this crap. And the longing for a heart is their excuse. The new people fall so into this trap that they begin to believe in it themselves. In fact, the older members do seem to be less --__emotional--__ intent on the dramatization. Probably because they didn't have people ahead of them to pull them into the trap, being the original founders and all._


	5. Suspicions

I'm back! Wow, it's been like a year? Soooo super sorry about that. I totally understand if you never read my stories again. But I figured out why I was having trouble. A shortage of Kingdom Hearts playing. I've played all three games lately so I'm back again. And again, sorry bout that. I'll just keep going for myself if not for you guys. I just hope I haven't lost my groove.

---

Chapter Four: Passing the Test

Well, I was wrong about one thing...

Organization members _are_ expected to get up early. Every single flippin' day.

Honestly, the only times I'd ever woken up early enough to see the early-morning-time Organization were for special events. Important meetings, Larxene's induction ceremony, stuff like that. I had no idea it was a regular thing to be up by sunrise every day, just for breakfast. A terrible thing for a supposed Organization expert like myself not to know, adimttedly. Maybe DiZ had been right...waking up early did have its virtues.

I did know one thing...the Organization got really touchy if you were late to a meal. For some reason they had this courtesy thing, like they didn't eat until everyone was there. Weird for a bunch of emotionless robots. But I'd seen Larxene show up late to dinner once, and they shunned her for the rest of the day. And I wasn't going to get any information if I was being shunned.

Demyx knocked on my door bright and early the next day, startling me out of my sleep. I tried ignoring it, but the knocking just came again, until finally I growled drowsily, "What?"

"It's time to get up, Number Thirteen," came Demyx's voice, muffled through the door and sounding smug in the way it said my number. It didn't help my feelings toward him that moment at all.

"Why?!" I slurred impatiently. "I thought today was a free day." I snuggled deeper in the covers and closed my eyes tightly.

"Sorry, Thirteen, you've still gotta get up for breakfast," said my mentor, still annoyingly condescending.

But then he added as a more friendly afterthought, "You don't wanna see what happens when someone's late for breakfast...and when they don't show up at all..."

I sighed. I already had. Besides, more bad news was threatening if I didn't get up promptly.

"Need me again, Demy?" came a shrill cackle outside. "I can wake her up!"

"I'm up, you retard!" I yelled, though it took some effort to make it loud enough. Then I jumped out of bed before Larxene opened the door. She noted that I wasn't lying, though I still looked very groggy. "Hmph," was all she said before she hurried to breakfast.

I threw on my robe and followed, ignoring Demyx in annoyance.

And so that's how I ended up at the breakfast table that morning, sulking and eating my cereal silently.

Demyx intercepted me as I left, calling out loudly, "Thirteen! No break for you. We're heading to the Hall of Empty Melodies."

I was still pretty annoyed with his tone, but it helped to remember that his condecension was all just an elaborate act. Really elaborate--who would've thought to add that touch of loudness to his voice, making it obvious that he wanted everyone to know he was in charge of the newbie?

Still...nothing real. I said nothing until we reached my favorite room.

Though Organization XIII was evil, and I didn't much care for the blinding all-white theme of the castle (like they were trying to prove to everyone that they could exist in light) I had to admit the architecture really appealed to me.

We stood on the platform in the center, beneath the balconies. A pile of weapons marred the effect, but I remembered this from Larxene's training. Pretty sloppy of them, but whatever.

Demyx walked over to the pile, rifled around in it a bit, then came back to present me with two small daggers, glittering with a promise of power, accuracy, and stealth.

"Based on your old identity, I think these'll fit you best," Demyx explained, then winced. "I remember Alisyn stabbed me once with a dagger, when I'd cornered her." He pulled his cloak down a bit to show me the scar on his shoulder.

I laughed. I remembered that. For once, I'd underestimated Demyx's courage and nearly gotten myself caught--until I made that desperate lunge and slithered off while he gasped. Apparently the Org. didn't think I knew any self-defense.

"So...let's see how you do with them, eh?" My mentor pulled out his sitar and stood, ready to fight...but still tense. He was probably scared out of his mind that I'd kick his butt and embarrass him.

That is, if he _could_ be scared.

I lunged at him without warning, but surprisingly a blast of water shot into my face and pushed me back. It wasn't anything harmful, but it sorta stung my eyes. I lunged back, and we fought, each of us landing a couple blows but most of the time just pushing each other back. I was bewildered, but held my end until finally Demyx jumped away, grinning.

I really _had_ underestimated him. Boo, Alisyn.

"Really good," he gasped, sweating. "Really, really good. What do you think? Are you happy with these?"

Of course, I was very happy. I had been trained on daggers, and these in particular felt deadly in my hands, even when they were blunted for training.

But I looked longingly towards the neglected pile of weapons while I caught my breath. DiZ had been adamantly against training me on anything other than daggers, using his favorite phrase: "completely unnecessary." And here was my chance...

"Can I try out some other stuff...just in case?" I asked, using my best puppy face.

Demyx thought, then smiled. "Well, I'd say no, but you're doing so well already that you've probably earned a little break." He gestured to the pile grandly, signaling me to dig in.

I couldn't resist. "Yes!" I yelled and ran immediately to the pile, like a little kid who'd finally wheedled something out of their reluctant parent.

I tried a bow and arrow, a huge sword, ninja stars, even a strange sort of gun (with special practice bullets so no one got hurt)...I even dabbled with prototypes of other members' weapons. We were having fun. Or at least I was, and Demyx was pretending to. I'm sure it made no difference to him.

I knew I wasn't near as skilled as Axel with the chakrams or Larxene with the knuckles, but who cared? Demyx even let me try out his sitar, which delighted me. I couldn't call a little water clone, but it was still nice to pretend I knew how to play the instrument, and whack him on the head a couple times playfully.

"Hey, hey!" Demyx said nervously. "Careful!" I just laughed.

Sort of early on, I fired off a blunted arrow at Demyx as he narrowly dodged it and sped towards me, and I caught a glimpse of Marluxia, up at the balcony, watching us. Suddenly Demyx noticed, too, and the little water ball zoomed right past me. After that he was much worse. I probably could've killed him three times over. _This_ was the Demyx I had always seen.

"Why is _he_ here?" I whispered to my trainer while I threw the quiver back onto the pile. Marluxia smiled encouragingly, then left.

"It's after breakfast," Demyx explained. Apparently audiences made him nervous. Or he pretended they did. He went on. "A lot of members often drop by to watch the trainees."

Oh. Right. I knew that. But that guy still creeped me out. Something was definitely off about him, though I couldn't say what.

Sure enough though, I had silent visits from Axel, Larxene, Lexaeus, Zexion, and even the Superior. When he came by with his trusty sidekick Saix, I had to hastily hand Demyx back his sitar and go back to daggers.

I ignored my audiences just fine, unless I felt like showing off a little. But Demyx was obviously having trouble.

After a while, I started to get really ticked off. Couldn't he put aside his charade for a while to actually give me a challenge? Especially in front of Mr. Big Cheese? Our first skirmish had been amazing. This was...pathetic. And frustrating beyond belief.

When I took my daggers back, Demyx asked me nervously, "Do you know any magic, do you think? Have any special affinities?"

I shook my head. "Not that I know of..." I'd never had the gift for magic. It kinda sucked, but I got used to it. Can't be awesome at everything.

Demyx frowned, and nodded. "I'll think of something." Then we settled into a few more rounds of pathetic Demyx butt-kicking. I was glad when he motioned for me to put away the daggers and have a couple hours' rest before lunch. The Superior and Number Two whirled out of the room. Xemnas's face was expressionless, but Saix's was definitely a sneer. I hoped it was more for my miserable trainer than for me.

I didn't talk on the way back to the residential hall, still pretty ticked. Before we parted to wash off our sweat, my mentor called, "See you at lunch!" but I pointedly ignored him.

After a nice shower, I headed back towards my room. I still had, like, an hour. I was nearly there when I paused by door number eleven.

Marluxia still made me nervous. Maybe it was time to see if there was a good reason for that.

I didn't want to be sneaking around this early on. I needed to build up their trust, first. But what excuse could I give for wanting to see him without sounding suspicious or creepy?

I didn't have much time to think because at that moment Pinky opened his door and almost ran into me.

I slid back quickly enough, though, and Marluxia merely stopped and raised his eyebrows, frowning down at me.

"Uh, I just wanted to know if I could...uh...borrow one of your flowers or something," I said nervously, trying to peek into his room. "My room looks really boring and Axel told me your room was filled with some...eh...pretty flowers..."

Marluxia narrowed his eyes. "Axel, if you haven't yet noticed, likes to joke. Simply because I control the very useful art of plants does not mean I spend all my time thinking of tulips."

"Oh...all right...sorry to bother you then..." I shrank back a little and made as if to leave, hoping he'd call me back or something.

He didn't.

After a while I had to do something, because halfway through walking away he noticed my hesitation and looked at me quizzically.

"Can I help you with something else?" he asked sternly.

"Ehr..." I turned back. "You couldn't like...conjure me up a flower or something?"

Marly huffed impatiently. "See you at lunch, Thirteen," he droned before he turned and walked away.

Geez. Absolute failure. And when would these people stop calling me by my number?

---

I chilled in my room for a bit, framing the first half of that day's report. With about ten minutes to spare until noon, I stood up, carefully hid away the report, and opened my door to see Demyx.

"Oh," he said, lowering his hand that had been about to knock. "I was just looking for you. Time for lunch."

"I know," I said, trying to stop being irritated. One of the very few ornaments in my room was a plain, black-and-white face clock on the wall. "I'm coming."

So it was that I ended up with yet another chance to see what was on the Graceful Assassin's mind.

It wasn't that difficult. Larxene only paid attention to me until she ran out of superior comments and turned to Luxord.

As soon as she'd left me alone, Marluxia turned from his conversation with Axel--Axel gave me a weird look before addressing Demyx, who had been eating silently. I wondered if he'd mentioned my request for a flower.

"So," Marluxia said casually, picking up his sandwich. "How goes your first couple of days?"

I still wasn't sure exactly what it was about him I was looking for--if anything. So I figured it best to just talk casually, too.

"Pretty good," I told him, cutting my sandwich into little triangles. "I think I know what weapon I'll be using."

"Oh, really?" Marluxia said with interest. "That bow? You weren't half bad with it."

"You'll see."

He smirked at that. "All right. But, do you think you're learning well enough under Demyx? I mean....he's not the best member to be teaching--"

The annoyance with Demyx suddenly turned into something else. "He's actually a very good teacher," I broke in with a little more anger than intended. "I'm learning a lot." I stuffed half a triangle of sandwich in my mouth to show I was done talking.

"Are you?" Marluxia said coldly, narrowing his eyes at me before turning back to his food.

I finished hurriedly and excused myself.

---

The rest of the day passed normally. I had to assure the Superior, who had witnessed Demyx's disastrous training, that he was actually very good when we were alone. After some thought, he finally agreed to forbid anyone from watching our practice sessions.

On the way back to the Hall of Empty Melodies, Demyx let me in on a very interesting secret.

"Gonna have to pick it up," he mentioned casually. "Superior wants you fully instated in three days, instead of a week."

"Why?"

"There's a _really_ important mission coming up...or so I hear. And really soon. I guess it'll end up taking a lot of the older members away, so we gotta get your training done fast."

I blinked. This was good. A big mission?

"What kinda mission is it?" I asked eagerly.

Demyx shrugged. "No one knows yet. Or if they do, they're not telling."

I'd just have to be patient, then. _Not_ one of my strong points.

We practiced all the afternoon undisturbed. I could tell I was getting tons better. We went to dinner light-hearted and companionable.

I spent my evening in my room, finishing up my report. After I was done, I conjured the report back to DiZ through the use of one of his weird contraptions. Then I threw off my cloak and rolled into bed. I was utterly exhausted, and incredibly happy...I tried to believe it was just the exhilaration of my training.

---

_Journal: Day Two_

_Marluxia gives me strange looks, but I am told he does that a lot lately. Still, I definitely think something is going on with him. So far, however, I know nothing._

_I hear a "big mission" is coming up, so my training period has been shortened by about half._

_I will probably be using daggers, of course. They fit well. And I feel like soon there will be much to learn about the Organization._


	6. Do Nobodies PMS?

So I was playing KH2. And I realized, oh crap. Nobodies actually do remember everything about their former lives...except for Roxas and Namine. Well. I think we can just ignore that for this story, right? It's not like when 358/2 Days comes out, this whole story's going to be totally inaccurate anyway.

Oh, also...I'm changing her name. To Xylanis. Kind of sounds like Alanis, as in Morissette. Haha, hope you don't mind, I just think it sounds a lot better. I'll edit the first couple chapters soon to fix that.

**Chapter Four: Do Nobodies PMS?**

The next day, another blast of water to my face served as a morning greeting.

It barely stirred me, until Demyx poked me anxiously and said, "You might wanna get up before Larxene comes..."

That woke me up. With effort I opened my eyes and sat up. "I'm up, I'm up," I assured him groggily. I did _not_ want a repeat of my first morning.

It was a close call, too, because within moments of my zombie rise from sleep, Larxene glided into my room.

"Oh, well, hey there, sunshine!" she cackled. Yeah, she does a lot of cackling.

She was really starting to annoy me. After all, she was acting like she got some huge promotion just 'cause some newb showed up.

"Why do you keep showing up in my freaking room, Larxene?" I snapped.

Blondie just raised her eyebrows and grinned. Then, with a giggle, she left the room. I wanted to pull her stupid zoomy bang things out of her scalp.

Demyx smiled sympathetically at my cross expression. "She's bad enough when you're a higher rank than her."

"I just don't really know why my room seems to be some communal gathering area," I muttered grumpily.

Demyx looked away, shamefaced. I was too tired not to feel bad, because I hadn't meant him; I'd just meant that two other people in my room in the wee hours was overwhelming. But I didn't waste the effort to comfort a fake emotion.

"Anyway," I compromised grudgingly, swinging my legs over the side of my bed. "I'll get over it once I'm awake. Out you go."

But Demyx didn't even seem to be on the planet. His mouth was O-shaped as his hand touched his outrageously flaming cheeks.

I waved my hand in front of his face, and he blushed even more as he apologized and ran out of the room.

I stared at the closed door for a few moments with a sense of great unease. Why was everyone acting all surprised over above-average emotions? Were they onto me? Were they postponing my execution bceause they wanted to prove a point? Give me false information?

I shook my head, utterly perplexed. The pieces didn't fit.

---

My unease disappeared when I walked out the door. Demyx was handing me breakfast-on-the-go, something akin to an Eggo waffle. I was psyched. No creepy Marly this morning! Getting inside his head would wait until I was fully awake.

I grinned widely, and Demyx's still embarrassed look evaporated. "Come on," he said lightly, and we turned to walk down the residence hall.

"Sho dish big mishun ish lwetting me shkip breakfasht?" I asked, my face full of waffle.

My mentor nodded happily. "I mean, I honestly think you're doing so well already that you don't need much extra time. But...you don't mind skipping, do you?"

I shook my head vehemently. "No way!"

The pile of weapons was gone this morning. My weapon of choice was set. Demyx handed me my daggers...but this time they were really pulsing with some inner power. I remember seeing Larxene receive her weapon, newly charged with electricity to fit her powers.

I wondered what they had done for me, the magical dud.

Demyx grinned good-naturedly. "Surprise! I spoke to the Superior and got it powered up. Try them out."

I paused, unsure how exactly I was supposed to do that.

"Close your eyes."

I immediately tensed. Bad idea, bad idea! So this was how they planned to get rid of me...

But as soon as my spy instincts kicked in, I felt strange. Quickly, I looked at my hands...but they were completely black, blending into my cloak!

"Holy crap!" I yelled, dropping the daggers. My hands immediately went back to normal.

Demyx chortled and picked them up, pressing them back into my hands. "It draws energy from your cloak to change your whole body so you can blend into shadows."

Of course. I mean, their cloaks weren't just uniforms or fashion statements....they protected us--I mean, them from consumption by darkness and, more importantly, kept the super sniffer Zexion from discovering my very un-nobody-ish scent. Who knew what else the cloaks were good for?

But a lot of good shadow-blending would do. Our--their castle was all white, light, white. Loads of shadows to hide in here, to be sure. Not. Still, maybe out in the field...I wondered again about this mission.

"There's something else," Demyx was saying, sounding a lot like those commerical guys. _Wait! There's more!_ I forced myself to pay attention. "Now, act like you want to backstab me...a good, killing blow. But not quite...I'd rather not die in training." I knew he was joking. My daggers will still blunted. And yet, even now I couldn't help feeling suspicious. But I prepared myself...and before I knew it, I was behind Demyx, one dagger poised to kill. There hadn't been time to blink.

Demyx nodded, satisfied and smug. "All right. What we're going to do today is learn how to control these powers. You have to learn restraint, because it takes a lot of energy."

I could feel it. I was already sorta tired.

"Okay." I nodded.

Again, there followed an exhilarating clash between the two of us...and yet so much more exciting because now, we _both_ had our special abilities. I could've sworn I hadn't had this much fun in years.

We worked and worked, taking a couple short breaks, and then my trainer gave me an hour to clean up for lunch.

"Really awesome, Xylanis. I think you're going to be really great."

It was so strange. The way he said it was so cheerful and friendly, like he really wanted me to succeed. I barely repressed a shiver. This was a lot harder than I'd thought it would be, resisting their trap...

Still, his broad smile put me in a great mood, and I grinned back. This was a whole other side of Demyx, a side only a human disguised as a nobody could see. I felt sure that no one else had seen this part of Demyx. Maybe that was why he was so nervous, because no one expected anything of him.

_Whoa, Alisyn, you've got to stop thinking like that. He is not a human. He has no heart._

---

Lunch brought something very interesting. I was in a good mood, so I was prepared to see what was up with my good pal Marly. And he didn't disappoint.

It was really strange. Larxene made a point of being even more obnoxiously loud than usual, talking to Luxord. Demyx looked like he might say a couple things to me, but Marluxia was there between us, and he spoke to me, purposefully excluding my trainer from the conversation.

"So..." Pinky murmured as we started eating. "Now that you're about to be initiated...what do you think of the Superior?"

Oh! What was this? Was I detecting dissent in the Organization? This sounded exactly like the little girls on the playground who hated some other girl and wanted to rally others to her cause, using traditional group snub tactics. And just in case a candidate happened to like that certain girl, they'd ask beforehand, trying to be all casual.

Was I overreacting? The past couple days hadn't given me as much info as I'd've liked--maybe I was just grasping at straws.

Then again, Larxene grinned, and her voice got even _louder_, which I didn't believe possible. Axel glanced discreetly at us and struck up a conversation with Demyx of all people, who was looking puzzled at his exclusion.

"Um..." I thought. Stir up a little civil war in the Organization? Sounded like a good idea. But then, I didn't want to get involved or it could interfere with my mission, especially if I ended up on the losing side.

Hm...I made my decision.

"He's pretty annoying, actually," I muttered, carefully keeping my face casual and digging heartily into my meal, as if I didn't notice that everyone was being very careful to keep our conversation hidden. "He's not getting us anywhere as an Organization--he's obviously only using us for his personal goals, which are delusional at that. And more than that, he's a windbag and sometimes reminds me of a creepy pedophile. His breath stinks and he chews with his mouth open. Disgusting."

Apparently I'd said the right thing. Marluxia grinned widely. "Maybe we should talk a little about that...later..."

I looked at him questioningly. But I knew I'd been right on the dot.

With any luck, things were about to get a little dangerous.

---

It was work, work, and more work that afternoon. Getting control over my energy was like trying to control my breathing when singing... yes, I did do a bit of that, but don't ask me to perform anything, kay? Anyway, it was pretty difficult, but again I could feel myself getting a sort of handle on it as we practiced. Demyx was a fantastic teacher, and he gave me lots of tips to help as well. Our powers were different, but the principles were the same.

I went to dinner, ravenous. All I wanted to do was get some food in my poor overworked body, but before I could take my first bite, Larxene just had to interrupt me.

"So, what's up with the closed sessions? What's the matter, little Thirteen?" she pouted. "Does Demyx make you look incompetent? It's okay, it's hard for anyone to learn from such an idiot."

Larxene had done absolutely nothing but get on my nerves since I got here. Also, I was starting to really...respect Demyx, I guess. He was a good teacher, you know. And on Marluxia's other side I caught a glimpse of him hunching in shame, the typical Nocturne everyone knew and scorned. So for some strange reason, I lashed out to defend a nobody with no feelings, who probably didn't care.

"You know what, Larxene?" I slammed my fork down on my plate. My whole half of the table turned to look at me. "Demyx was doing amazing today, I bet he could pound you into the dirt if he really tried. I'm _proud_ to learn from him, and I bet I'd never learn near as much from _ you_. So give me five minutes' peace and _shut your stupid obnoxious mouth_!"

My outburst was greeted with shock, even from Demyx. The oldest six members even glanced at me quizzically.

I think they were all pretty sure nobodies don't PMS.

I forced myself to grin, though my face was on fire. "Haha, gotcha!"

Three seconds of silence, and then everyone was laughing. The old guys looked away, not knowing or caring what had happened. Demyx gave a sort of grateful smile to me, but I didn't count it. It was fake, of course.

The only expressions that worried me were Marluxia's...and Axel's. I couldn't understand them. Maybe they just weren't good at fake-laughing.

---

_Journal, Day Three:_

_It seems like my companions are obsessed with showing great displays of emotion, and then acting horrifically surprised over it. I guess they do this to all new members, to draw them in? Though I can't see how that would help. It's all pretty ridiculous, actually. I think maybe they could be seeing completely through me, and just want to try and prove they have feelings, to throw us off. They're like children, giving their own unique, fake personalities to lifeless dolls._

_But it doesn't really seem like they know at all...I'll try to figure this out, and be a little more cautious._

_Other than that, I'm pretty sure there's conflict brewing here. Marluxia is most likely the head of it. I can't be totally sure yet, but I think Larxene is involved, too, and Axel, perhaps?_

_We'll see how this unfolds._

_Oh, I got my power for my daggers. They've basically handed me a weapon to use against them. I can sneak around in shadows and move extremely quickly. I think this'll be pretty useful, if I can find any shadows in this stupid castle._


	7. The Last Day

My excuse this time is that I was finishing up my Queen Alisyn story and was on a roll, and band camp is sucking up my time. The story's done now! So this is my top priority other than schoolwork.

I also realized my chapter numbers are sooo screwed up. From now on I'm going from what it says up in the little navigator thing. Sorry about any confusion.

Again, I've been doing a little research and realizing that I'm going to have a lot of inaccuracies. I've only played Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts 2, and Re: Chain of Memories. No Final Mixes or anything. So…yeah. Whatever. lol.

**Chapter Seven: The Last Day**

Loud knocks on my door stirred me from consciousness. I slowly opened my eyes, puzzled that my handy-dandy Demyx alarm clock was nowhere in sight.

"Xylanis?" my alarm clock called from outside the door.

It took me some time for my sleepy mind to understand. When it finally clicked, I groaned. "Oh geez, Demyx, you can come in!"

Timidly he poked his head in the door. "Are you sure?"

I rolled my eyes and sat up. "Demyx, chill out. I only meant that I can't stand that twit Larxene. Feel free to barge in whenever you like."

He got a strange look on his face, but he just nodded. I threw on my cloak and we headed for the Hall of Empty Melodies.

"Wait," I said suddenly as I stepped out the door. "What time is it?"

Demyx smiled mischievously. "I let you sleep in through breakfast. If anyone asks, we were training."

I laughed, astonished and relieved. "You rock, Demyx!"

He just got that look again.

This time we were working on conserving my energy. It took a lot to use my powers, and only practice would teach me to use less energy for more power. It took a lot of time, and we didn't have much of that. But Demyx was pretty happy with me.

And I wasn't the only one to learn something. Less than an hour after we began our training session, I noticed Demyx was starting to majorly suck again. Sure enough, there was Marluxia in the central balcony, watching us silently.

I was _not _going to let him ruin another day. I let go of Demyx where I had been holding my dagger to his neck, and stood defiantly, facing the pink-haired creep.

"Hey!" I called to him. "What are you doing here? The Superior said no one watches us!"

Marluxia didn't look upset. "The Superior has also made an exception for me," he replied coolly. "I need to watch you for…future reference."

I raised my eyebrows. Did this have something to do with the big mission? I thought about running to the Superior and demanding that he tell Marluxia to stay away. But I was not a tattle-tale. I let it go, and turned back to Demyx, sighing.

"Listen, Demyx," I whispered. "I know we're supposed to act like we have feelings and all. But can't you cut the act so I can train for a bit?"

His expression looked helpless, confused. "Yeah…yeah, I will. Sorry."

Why was he telling me sorry? Somehow I wasn't encouraged. And I was right. We tried again, and in three seconds I was ready to slice his head off.

Maybe I was going to be forced to play his game.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately after I turned to face him again. "I don't know what it is. I just…I guess I've been doing this for so long…"

"Don't worry about it," I told him. "Look. We're gonna try something new. You're going to practice, too. Just…pretend he's not there. Can you do that? There is no Marluxia. And you know what else? You are an amazing fighter, Demyx. You have to believe it. Okay? Try it."

He looked unsure. "Okay…"

"_Believe_." I repeated.

Demyx nodded. "All right."

Now, it's not like he was instantly super amazing or anything. But, I really thought he improved. It made me smile a little, to watch his face screwed up in concentration. He was really taking me seriously. And…it was working, at least a little.

Before we knew it, it was break time, with a half hour to go before lunch. Marluxia was already gone when I sheathed my daggers and Demyx conjured away his sitar.

"Good job," I beamed at him, patting his back.

"Don't tell me that," Demyx brushed off my hand. "I'm your mentor. I should be saying good job to you, newbie."

I was going to get mad at him, until I noticed a twinkle in his eyes. Weird…could your eyes twinkle if you didn't have a heart?

In any case, I stuck out my tongue at him. And we headed out of the Hall, waving goodbye before we walked off to take a quick shower.

After my shower, I wandered the halls aimlessly, slashing the air nonchalantly with a dagger. And then Axel snuck up behind me.

Before he could grab my wrist, I whirled around and grabbed his instead with my free hand. "Um, can I help you?" I asked, eyes narrowed.

Axel raised his eyebrows, but yanked his wrist away and inspected my weapon. "Daggers. Nice," he commented. "Definitely not flashy, but nice."

"Mhm." I sheathed my dagger in my cloak. "Is that all you came for?"

"Geez, I came to have a friendly chat and you're getting all suspicious."

I sighed impatiently. "If you must, then let's walk. I hate standing still."

Axel snorted but obliged me. "Just as uppity as ever, I see."

I nodded. "Are you sure you don't have anything better to do? No getting ready for the big mission or anything?"

Axel sighed and shook his head. "Nothing major. We've barely done anything for the longest time. All it is right now is recruit, recruit, recruit, and collect hearts. I can't wait to get out of this dump and go somewhere interesting."

"I see. So you don't know anything about what's coming up?"

Axel laughed again, like he was talking to an amusingly ignorant child. "Look who's getting curious. It's not like you'd be able to go on any big missions for a long time."

I shrugged. "You're the one who wanted a friendly chat. I'm chatting."

DiZ had been worried about the recent quietude of the Organization. That was why I was here. And apparently just in time. I'd have to find a way to get sent along on this mission…

"Hey! Xylanis!" Demyx came around a corner and confronted us.

"Well, Thirteen, looks like duty calls," Axel said, before adding in a murmur, "Let me know how good old Marly's doing, huh? Seems like you've been getting pretty buddy-buddy." Then he turned around and was gone.

Demyx and I walked to lunch together, but I still felt nervous. That Axel was seeing the same thing I was. So would he be on my side, or against me?

The afternoon was spent polishing up my skills. This evening was my initiation, and we'd have a big banquet afterwards. Then the Superior would give me some small mission to prove myself, usually killing a few Heartless, and I'd be in.

I asked Demyx what my title would be, but he shook his head and said nothing but "Your defense is weak, pick it up!" Marluxia watched for a little bit, and my mentor flagged a bit then, but he kept improving and improving until it was almost unnoticeable.

After several hours of hard work, I was sweating like crazy. Contrary to what you would think, looking at them, the Organization cloaks breathe well. But still, we'd been working our butts off. We practiced with hoods up, too, because Demyx claimed I might need to. A bunch of crap, since our cloaks basically mark us out as the Organization and it doesn't really matter which one of us it is. But he insisted.

The hours flew by, and before I knew it, I was being ushered into a room I'd been in many, many times. A tall white room, with giant chairs of different heights placed in a circle. Where Nothing Gathers. There was a new chair situated near the bottom—my chair. We all used our portals of darkness to get up there. It was still a little scary for me, using the portals that used power from my cloak. Like the darkness could just lash out and swallow me. But I was getting used to it.

There was utter silence for a while. I yawned, and therefore earned a glare from Lexaeus. Finally, the Superior, who had been taking his sweet time, appeared in his chair and cleared his throat. Everyone looked up at him, some of them attentive, some of them lazy, bored.

"Now that Miss Alisyn is no longer a threat to us," he began amidst several sniggers and glances at me, "we don't need to send coded messages to each of your rooms."

I tried not to smile. I heard Larxene mutter not far above me, "Thank God."

"Now, we are here today to accept our newest member, Number Thirteen, Xylanis…the Deadly Shadow."

I glanced at Demyx, who looked back at me nervously, like he was hoping I liked it. I shrugged and smiled. It wasn't too bad. I mean, not the most creative, but hey.

"She will not have control over any specific class of Nobody as of yet…as you all know, you have to complete a certain number of missions before that point. For now, she will use the power of darkness more heavily than any of us, gaining speed, stealth, and a bit of grace."

I didn't like the sound of that. For one, darkness was dangerous. I knew that. For another thing, that sounded a bit too much like Marluxia. I was trying to distance myself from him, especially with the way Axel looked at me. I knew the mysterious redhead was thinking the same thing I was about our pink-haired friend. The only difference between us would be that Marluxia was an obnoxiously bright pink while my power relied mainly on black and gray.

"Because I would like to proceed to our next mission with haste, Xylanis's mission will be the same."

There were murmurs at this. But for some reason, Larxene didn't seem bothered. Neither did Marluxia.

Xemnas continued. "Things have been quiet lately, but we should be able to start speeding up things again. I've just acquired another castle on another world—a castle that is influenced by memories. It is an ideal place to carry on research about the heart. For this purpose, I would like Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion to travel to the castle and conduct extensive research in the basement levels."

They're older members, but they haven't done many missions at all, which is why their chairs are so low. Usually they're always doing research or something, and that doesn't count as a mission…most of the time. It makes sense, though. Vexen's like, obsessed with research of all kinds. He has sort of a crazed look, you can tell. Mad scientist material, definitely. Zexion is like, mega-nerd bookworm. He always keeps to himself and doesn't like to do anything he says would "dirty his hands." That's why he's never really done any missions. And Lexaeus…well, as far as I've seen, he and Zexy are a package deal. But where do I fit in to all this?

"However, in the upper floors we will need security against opposing forces. For this reason I have appointed Marluxia as the leader of the entire expedition."

What? He was only Number Eleven! What kind of butt-kissing had he done to get that?

Apparently everyone else thought the same…except, again, for Larxene and Marluxia. Everyone else erupted into indignant murmurs, especially the three who would have to work under him.

"Quiet!" barked the Superior. "To accompany him in the upper floors, Marluxia has chosen Larxene…and Xylanis. Along with that, I will ask Axel to go, too."

Everyone who needed more missions to control a Nobody species, basically...plus Axel. This mission was definitely not what everyone expected. Not what I expected, that's for sure. But now I knew for sure that Larxene and Marluxia were together on something. How did Axel work into it, though? And where would I end up in this mess?

"Everyone else will remain here, collecting hearts and recruiting. There is one other thing that the upper floor members will need to take care of as well… We have found a very special Nobody. I am keeping her there in that castle. I have already told Marluxia all that needs to be known of her, and she will aid in the research as well. But we also must keep her safe from…enemy forces."

DiZ, in other words. And maybe even that keyblade master. He had a trick for showing up to foil evil guys' plans. He hadn't gone after the Organization yet, but maybe…

"You'll all leave tomorrow. You will stay there until I have a satisfying amount of research from you. If the mission is successful, you will all be granted a group of Nobodies, most likely. Even you, Xylanis."

Much good that would do me. I was planning to skedaddle out of there the minute I had the info I needed. But I nodded as he looked at me. We were dismissed for my banquet, but I was still pretty confused. I didn't talk much, and it took me a while to realize that Demyx seemed quieter than usual, too.

Marluxia walked up to me. We didn't sit down for this little get-together. It was more like one of those party type deals where you just take food off the table and do whatever. He smiled at me. "Well, surprised? You get to go on the big mission after all."

I still didn't like him, but if I was to figure out what he was up to exactly, he couldn't know that. "Yeah, thanks to you. Why do you wanna take me anyway?"

"Oh, I just…thought our interests matched well," he shrugged. After a pause, he looked around. No one was nearby. "Somehow, we're going to find some way to take over the Organization. You could move from Number Thirteen to Number Three. Doesn't that sound nice?"

So I was right. Civil war. My, my, my. "Y-yeah," I nodded. "Sounds great. Sounds awesome! I like it. Okay. Well, we'll do that, then."

He grinned and patted my shoulder. "All right, then."

I was about to pull out my journal, hands itching to write down the latest news. But there was a knock on my door, and Demyx poked his head in. I hastily stuffed my journal back into a dresser drawer and waved at him. "Come in. What's up?"

He sidled in slowly. I saw his sitar slung over his shoulder.

"I—I was gonna say goodbye…" he said. "I mean, I don't know why…usually it's no big deal. I mean, you're coming back, and we don't really do things like this usually, but…I dunno. I just thought I should."

I looked at him. I was done trying to figure out what was up with these contrived emotions. Maybe my time at Castle Oblivion—that's what it was called—would explain something. But for now I just shook my head.

"Right…you aren't coming. That's gonna suck. It's been kinda…fun, you know?" I said awkwardly.

"Uh-huh." He sat down on the floor next to my bed. "So um…you wanna maybe hear some music? I thought like, we could hang out or something before you go. We've never really gotten to do anything fun."

I had been estranged from civilization for so long, living with DiZ and spying for him. I'd never really had much of a social life. I didn't understand what was going on. But the idea sounded really good.

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. I didn't know you could actually use that thing for playing music."

Demyx chuckled. "Of course you can. Here, this is one song I remember a little, from my old self. It's about the only thing I do remember. It's really difficult, so I like playing it. Here…"

He plunked out a few notes…and surprisingly, I recognized them.

"Hey! I know that song!" It was a song from my childhood, a mournful dirge about missing home, never being able to return. I hadn't heard it in so long.

"Really? Do you know the words?" asked Demyx eagerly. "I know there are words, but I just can't remember them."

"Yeah. But…I can't sing them."

"Why not?"

"Because I…I can't sing."

"What do you mean, you can't sing?"

I said nothing. My cheeks got a little warm.

"Hey." Demyx looked at me seriously. "Don't be a hypocrite. I bet you're a fantastic singer. Just…believe."

I laughed. I thought for a long time, and then…

"Fine. This one time only. But no making fun of me."

He started to play again, and I joined in. As I got to the chorus his voice joined in, a strong, husky tenor. He sang a complicated harmony, and his voice blended well with my alto.

_Far far away  
From a place I once called home  
I dunno what to say  
To help me move along_

Oh how I miss you so  
'Cause I want to go back  
My heart fills with woe  
When I face the fact

I'm never goin' home  
I can't look back  
Gotta' see this through  
Goodbye to you..  
The world I knew.

The song continued, and I started to think about something I thought I'd forgotten. My home. My mother, my father, everything. So many things I'd missed out on. Where were they now? Were they alive? Were they all heartless now? Would I find their nobodies somewhere around this world, with no memory of me at all? Or had my world been restored when the keyblade master defeated Xemnas's heartless? Did they think I had been lost forever? Did they still hope I would show up one day?

But I could never go back. I didn't know how to get there. I was stuck. Stuck because of my stupid kidnapper. How had I forgotten what he had done to me?

My emotions rose with the notes, and soon I was crying. I tried my best to stop, to turn my face so Demyx wouldn't see, because there was no way nobodies could cry.

But then a handkerchief was pushed into my face, and Demyx was there, wiping my tears away. After they were gone, he turned the handkerchief to his own face.

His cheeks were covered in tears. And the strange look from this morning was back, intensified. I could feel the same look on my own face. I didn't know what it meant, though.

I put off my journal writing that night. DiZ could wait. I was too confused and exhausted after Demyx left, and so I just fell into bed, dreaming of home and thinking impossible thoughts.

_Lyrics by my friend Tayler._


	8. Leaving

**Leaving**

I woke up groggier than usual. But when I remembered that this would be my last breakfast in this castle, I jumped out of bed and hurried to join everyone else. Inside, I felt myself reliving my thoughts from the night before, and I emerged more determined than ever not to let myself be duped by the Organization's act. Still…

It was funny how sad I was to be leaving. Maybe he didn't have a heart, but Demyx was…kinda fun to hang out with. Which makes me think: do you need feelings to have fun? Or is that just more of the act?

Maybe the lack of feelings around me was so stifling that my own feelings just exploded that day. For some reason, I was more ticked off than ever at Marluxia while I ate breakfast. Not only was he taking me away from the castle, but he prevented me from talking to Demyx with his very presence. It was probably the last time I'd see my mentor—most likely I'd find out what I needed to know at Castle Oblivion and then ditch.

This wasn't how the universe's number one spy should've been thinking. A real spy would never let anyone, especially not a Nobody, come between her and her mission.

I guess…I guess I thought of Demyx as a friend. Can a Nobody be a friend? Of course not. But I'd lived so many years with just DiZ. And I dunno…that place was really starting to mess with me, I guess. Somehow, in a total vacuum of emotion or friendship, I was finding it hard to control my own feelings. This was a challenge I'd never anticipated.

Sneaking around, knowing that capture means death? Bring it on. Running and fighting through thousands of heartless? Sure.

Trying to figure out my own heart? I'll pass. That's DiZ's obsession.

Sorry to distract from the action, but this is important. Try to pay attention.

I felt like the air was somehow solid while I ate, closing around me. The atmosphere was that oppressive. As we all finished, the Superior spoke without even looking up. "Goodbye," he said.

Zexion, Lexaeus, Vexen, and Axel stood up immediately, their expressions as serious as ever. Marluxia and Larxene rose soon after, with something like smirks on their faces.

I looked around and stood slowly, uncertainly. Marluxia gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and led the way out of the room. Vexen, scowling, pushed past him, but Marluxia ignored him.

Before I left my seat, I looked back to where Demyx sat, still as a stone, focusing carefully on his empty plate. He caught my eye, turned his head, and gave me a brief smile before we each turned away.

And there I was. Playtime was over. Now the real mission began.

--

Might be a little disjointed, since I've been writing this so sporadically. I'm really too lazy to fix errors, though, so sorry. Busy busy busy. Hope you liked it anyway! It's short and totally doesn't fit organizationally with how I was writing it originally. Ohhh well. lol


	9. Mission within a Mission

Senior year. It's crazy. Sorry. I've written tons but I just haven't uploaded it yet.

Also, I lost the first page of this chapter! I don't know where it went so I have to rewrite it over again. I'm ticked because I'm probably going to find it later and then hate my new version. lol, oh well, hope you still enjoy. :) I feel like I'm moving a bit too fast, and sometimes too slow, I don't know. I just write when I have time. I don't really care about writing well anymore. :P

--

**Mission Within the Mission**

Our little group walked out into the dark city. I watched Shadows crawl around the edges of the buildings, eyeing me with those bright yellow bulbs and making a chill run up my spine. We stood in a circle, and then without a word we each opened a portal of darkness and headed for Castle Oblivion.

It still terrified me a little, traveling through these portals. It involved surrendering yourself to the darkness, almost. I could feel the darkness all around me, struggling to take over. It was frightening. But I was getting used to it.

Still, I was a little shaken when we arrived before the huge grey castle. I fell behind, letting everyone else pass me, still walking silently while I caught my breath. But Axel stopped next to me.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

I took a minute to think about how I would play this. I settled for a haughty shrug and a smile.

"Why would there be?" I hurried into the castle, but he caught up with me. I felt him looking at me, and I tried my best to keep my face from tensing.

But to my surprise, he didn't declare me a spy then and there. His face softened, and he shook his head. "You learned a lot from Demyx," he chuckled, "except you've actually got the skills to back up the cocky attitude."

I didn't know what to say to this. Normally it would have been easy. It was just their stupid fake Organization dramas. But for some reason it struck me funny this time.

Luckily, Axel didn't seem to notice my hesitation. He actually seemed pretty confused himself. But soon he was back to normal, and he whispered, "This mission will be a real test for you, whether the Superior realizes it or not."

Then he was the one to leave me behind, and I didn't bother to catch up.

--

I guess white was a theme color. This castle was exactly like the one back home—er, well, you know what I mean. It was all white, white, white on the inside. The only difference was the way the castle worked. You _had_ to use the portals of darkness to go from floor to floor. Guess I'd better get used to them, right?

It was kind of annoying. Marluxia took us all through a tutorial, during which the three oldies grumbled the entire time. Cards basically ran everything, which worked off memories, or something. I preferred to stay on the thirteenth floor where I didn't really have to worry about them.

Finally, Marluxia introduced us to the main concern of me, Axel, Larxene. Pay attention, because this is important. Without this girl, I might have kept my eyes closed to the obvious truth forever. Things would have turned out pretty differently.

We all teleported up to the thirteenth floor, and entered a room past a labyrinth of corridors. Using a card to open the door, we saw a huge white room, empty except for a white table and a white chair. In this chair sat a girl.

"Namine," Marluxia said, and the girl looked up from a notebook in which she was drawing slowly. For some reason, the sight of her expression hit me hard.

She was so plain, which made the effect even larger. Messy blonde hair fell over her shoulder and she wore a simple white dress and sandals. Her eyes were really light blue—and they were lonely, and mournful, and childlike.

The force of emotion hit me suddenly. And what Marluxia said next just didn't match up.

"This is the Nobody Namine. The Superior believes she has special capabilities to do with memories. I am to watch her and find out what these might be, while the researchers will study the essence of memory and its role in the heart, and the rest of you will make sure we are not disturbed."

She couldn't be a Nobody! It went against everything I'd ever been taught. How could she look so…miserable?

Maybe those were her "capabilities." To fake emotions really well. Though that didn't have much to do with memories, did it?

Maybe she wasn't a Nobody at all—maybe they were wrong. They'd been wrong with me. Maybe—

But it was DiZ's job to find out the why. I was just supposed to report. My fingers itched for my journal, but I rearranged my face and paid closer attention.

Namine looked down again, after she'd given each of us a curious glance. She might have caught the last of my surprise, but she didn't seem to have noticed or cared.

Marluxia was finishing up. "So Axel, Larxene, Xylanis, it may seem a slow job, but it's an important one. Make sure everything goes without a problem. And Xylanis…"

I looked at him, surprised.

"I may send you on a few small scouting missions. Given your past, I think you may be well suited for this job. For the first few, Axel will accompany you, as your temporary mentor, and we will see how you do."

I was annoyed and before I could think I blurted, "Why do I need a mentor anymore? I thought I was a fully initiated member."

"_After_ this mission," Marluxia smiled, amused. "Until then, you just need mild guidance."

I sulked openly, but there was no arguing. We were dismissed to make our rooms comfy. Not that there was much we could do.

When I used the right card from the pack Marluxia had given me and walked into my bedroom, I thought at first that I must've accidentally teleported back to The World That Never Was. I swear, it was _exactly the same_. I stood there for a minute trying to convince myself I was still in Castle Oblivion.

"Hey!" said a light voice from behind me.

It startled me so bad that before I knew it I had whipped out my daggers and was holding onto someone's neck, with a bunch of spiky red hair in my face.

"Geez!" yelled Axel. "Chill out, will ya?"

I let him go quickly and he turned to face me. "Sorry," I laughed, "don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sneak up on you?" snorted the redhead. "Not many ways you can do that when you're walking through a door."

"Okay, whatever." I gave up. "What did you want?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. Check up on you. I mean, I am your mentor now. So…need anything?"

Maybe I was paranoid, but I wondered if he had any other motives for "checking up" on me. I also remembered the one other time Axel had been a mentor—to Larxene. Fire and lightning—it didn't work out. They'd hated each other the whole time and as soon as Larxene had been initiated they had done their best to ignore each other. It wasn't the best picture. Anyway, I could handle myself. I'd never needed anyone else.

"No. I'm fine, actually," I said, rolling my eyes and pushing past him to sit on my bed. "I'll call you if I need you." _Like never._ I just stared and waited for him to leave, and he did, chuckling in that cocky way he always did.

Axel got on my nerves a lot sometimes, probably because he was always subtly letting you know he knew better, that he was above you. The worst part was, he was justified. Axel was in control—he'd be a good leader. He annoyed me, but I had to respect him.

I got over my irritation and concentrated on my next journal.

--

Unable to send yesterday. I am now at Castle Oblivion for the "big mission." Axel, Larxene, and I remain in the thirteen upper floors mainly for security purposes, under Marluxia's authority. Zexion, Lexaeus, and Vexen are in the basement researching memories.

Overall, nothing important, except we also have a Nobody called Namine in the castle. For some reason she is a captive instead of a trainee. She seems very different…it is supposed she has special powers.

Marluxia, as our superior, is in an ideal spot to take over the Organization, but as of now I'm not sure how he will do it. Axel has become my temporary "mentor" until this so-called mission is complete. They may be sending me on simple scouting missions about the castle.

--

I didn't mention the emotions Namine had shown. I sent the paper, took off my cloak, and slept.


	10. The Real Mission Begins

It's starting to get very complicated…I have to write notes so I don't forget things. Let me know if I screw anything up! I'm moving events around and rewriting them and it's just getting a little crazy. :P Long chapter, which is why it took so incredibly long. I was too lazy to proofread cause of the length so…hopefully it's still all good.

**The Real Mission**

It was so funny. I was supposed to be acting like someone with no emotions who was acting like they had emotions. And I was a spy acting like someone who wasn't a spy but who was being asked to spy anyway.

The only difference was, there was no one to spy on. I didn't even know why we were here. In the empty hills around the castle, there was no living thing to be seen except grass and the occasional tree. I didn't even see any heartless.

About a week after we'd arrived—in which absolutely nothing had happened—Marluxia, looking out of place at the head of the table, said simply to me at breakfast without looking at me, "Xylanis, I'd like you to take a look around the castle today. Get a feel for the area, and of course if you see anything to worry about, please report it to me." Then he threw a pointed glance at Axel before returning to his food. "You'll go with her of course and just keep an eye on her. Give her a few pointers…if she needs them."

I smirked to myself. He seemed to expect a lot of me, being the Nobody of Alisyn. Well, he was right. If there was anything out there to find, I'd find it.

I had finished my breakfast hurriedly and waited impatiently for Axel on the ground floor. He certainly took his time and finally I saw him step leisurely out of a portal in front of me.

"No nap today?" he asked with a mocking grin. I had been taking a nap after breakfast every morning to make up for my precious sleep, since we weren't doing anything. But I was too excited now. I didn't even know what was out there.

I wasn't missing much. We were out there for two hours and we didn't see anything. Nothing but green hills. It was still really dark outside—here, daylight only lasted about eight hours. Finally, maybe I'd get some use out of my powers. That is, if I ever had reason to come out here.

We walked aimlessly in silence for a half hour or so. I would've felt awkward if I actually cared that Axel was there. But as it was, I pretended he wasn't there and enjoyed the cool air and the freedom from walls that had trapped me for so long. Axel just kind of drifted along, watching me without comment.

I think the fresh air cleared my thoughts. I'd been cooped up so long, I'd lost perspective. I'd lost sight of my mission. There was a simple answer to everything. Nobodies have no feelings. Organization XIII is evil. And I am a spy. That is all.

Finally we decided to call it quits. Obviously there was nothing to worry about out here.

--

A whole month passed. Yeah, I know. I was going insane. For such a big mission, we were doing surprisingly little. Every day I woke up, ate breakfast, went scouting with Axel and found nothing, and then loafed around until lunch. Axel became my new alarm clock, which made me get up a little faster. I liked watching fire, but not when I was the one burning.

Nothing happened. Marluxia didn't charge in with an army of Nobodies to take over the Org. I never really saw Namine. Marluxia checked in on her every once in a while, but she was always kept in that room and he didn't give us the card to get in.

There was one interesting that happened. Well, _interesting_ is an understatement. Axel and I were scouting, quiet and bored as usual. Finally I just got fed up.

"When are we going to do something _worthwhile_?" I snarled, throwing my dagger at a tree sulkily. My weapons were almost never stowed away in my cloak when I had nothing else to do but play with them.

Axel snorted, which I did not appreciate. "What did you think the Organization would be? Fun and games? Danger, adrenaline?"

I stomped to the tree and removed the dagger. "Well, I didn't really have much choice in joining or not. I just think since I got pulled into it you might not try to kill me with boredom."

He was quiet for a bit, and then he asked thoughtfully, "Don't you agree with our cause, though? Don't you want to exist? What you're feeling now—or rather, not feeling—is the non-life we're destined to live. We have no meaning. No purpose. We have to do what we can until we have the hearts that will allow us to truly live…don't you think that's a good reason to join? I guess we never asked you because we figured everyone would think the same way." He smirked a little. "I think you'd find things much more boring if you weren't with us."

It was my turn to think. Axel wasn't usually this serious. Was that really all the Organization wanted? What was so wrong about that?

Their very presence was wrong. They shouldn't try to change what has to happen. They're anomalies. They should've just let themselves fade away. Do themselves a favor and stop trying to exist. Wasn't it frustrating, to keep chasing after something they'll never have? Why didn't they all just destroy each other out of kindness? Surely complete disappearance would be better than this weird half-existence, and this longing to exist they all kept talking about. Which was all ridiculous, anyway. Nobodies were like monsters, and their instincts told them to do evil, so they had to be obliterated.

I couldn't tell Axel that, of course. I steered the conversation towards a less serious tone. "Well, I guess no one ever told me about the grand noble philosophy of Organization XIII. It was kinda like, here, learn to fight, do our missions."

My temp mentor chuckled. "True. We really should start to include our younger members more. I'm really not even included with the main brains of the Organization. I make an effort to understand our goals and work to reach them. But by breeding these barely informed minions that just do what the original six tell them to do…it divides us. We can't survive like that."

He just wouldn't let go of the seriousness. Axel was a born leader. I started to wonder who he had been in his true life.

Then I tensed. I heard laughter that sounded much younger, much more naïve than Axel's. The redhead noticed and quieted down, back into stoic mode.

We were in one of the many small groups of trees that dotted the landscape, not really big enough to be called forests. This group lay alongside a path that we'd been told led to the End of the World, the place where the remains of all destroyed worlds ended up. The home of the heartless and the last known position of the Keyblade master.

Not anymore. I knew where the Keyblade master was. He was right here, before my eyes. It was the first time I'd ever seen him, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He was just a kid. Younger even than me, and obviously way more clueless. Apparently all his travels hadn't yet hardened him to all the dangers out there. He walked along nonchalantly, his Keyblade carelessly swung over his shoulder, while he bantered with the strange humanoid duck and dog that accompanied him. He had spiky brown hair that doubtless matched a buoyant personality and innocent, hopeful blue eyes. He wore a simple red and white outfit and little armor, which increased my respect for him a little bit.

"Sora," protested the duck irritably, "we've barely rested at all, and this path just keeps going on and on. We shouldn't be leaving so early!"

"But Donald," laughed the kid—his voice told me he hadn't even hit puberty yet!—"we're so close. Can't you tell? I just know we're going to get there soon. And how can we rest when we're almost there?"

"Y'know," the dog-like thing mused in a bumbling, amiable voice, "I kinda think Sora's right. Things are startin' to look sorta different. There's gotta be somethin' here soon."

"You always take his side!" grumbled the duck.

I looked at Axel, and he nodded. We both hurried back to the castle to tell Marluxia.

--

I couldn't get back fast enough. The Keyblade master, of all people! Though he was a slight disappointment, appearances could be misleading. He'd done some impressive things, and I couldn't wait to see what he was going to do to the Organization.

And hopefully he'd give me something to do, too.

Axel looked bemused at my haste, but I ignored him and as soon as we got a decent distance away I teleported all the way back to Castle Oblivion, to my room in the thirteenth floor. Then I rushed out, banged on Marluxia's door, and waited breathlessly.

"Something the matter?" Marluxia opened his door a crack and looked at me quizzically.

"Sora's on his way. With his companions. Um…Donald and Goofy. They're about two or three days away." I thought about the hurry Sora seemed to be in. "Maybe one."

I waited for my orders. But the Graceful Assassin just nodded his head, smiled, said "Thank you. You don't need to scout anymore," and closed the door.

I stood frozen even after Axel walked up to me leisurely and put his hand on my shoulder. "You're going to have to get used to a slower pace," he laughed and walked away. I didn't hear anything about Sora all the next day, and all I could do was report it to DiZ.

I also kept thinking about that strange Nobody girl. Since my refreshing morning excursions with Axel, I'd realized I must have been imagining her misery. But what had made her so convincing? And why was she so important?

Axel was driving me a little crazy, too. He mostly left me alone when not scouting with me, but he was always watching me in that superior way of his. I guess he had reason to suspect me, but it still got on my nerves.

I was so bored, I trained all day. Axel would sometimes walk by and clap, or nod his head, or yell some comment at me. But it still didn't help. I was bored out of my mind. Finally, after another day of frustrating nothingness, I included in my journal a request for permission to sneak around a bit. I really wanted to see what was up with our prisoner Nobody girl.

DiZ hadn't written anything to me since I'd been here. But the next morning a note came back from him.

_Alisyn, you do realize that you're in enough danger already. To go sneaking about will only jeopardize your position. I have the utmost confidence that you will learn everything you need to know as soon as it is needed. You have gained Marluxia's trust, yes? Be patient. I am trying to find out about the Nobody girl myself."_

Danger? What danger? This mission was the least intense thing I'd ever done. I could handle danger. This was…ridiculous. So I reacted the way any teenager would.

I put on my cloak, stood up straight, and took a deep breath. How would I get there unnoticed, in this bright castle? There were no shadows to be seen. And once I got there, how would I get inside?

I gripped my daggers and tried to move quickly like I did when I went for a killing blow. But apparently it didn't work that way, because I just turned black and stood there like an idiot.

I looked at the clock. My anticipation for what I'd been planning had caused the unthinkable—I'd woken up an hour before breakfast.

I didn't even know when everyone else woke up. I stood there thinking for a moment, wrestling my spy's caution with my typical Alisyn impatience and recklessness.

Typical Alisyn won. I made sure my skin tone had returned to normal, and strode into the hall…

…Straight into Axel.

"Hey, good morning. I was just coming to wake you up," he told me, bored.

"Why…?" I asked, showing no surprise to be caught. I was a professional, after all.

"Zexion says he's picking up a human scent in the castle. He doesn't notice it during the day, but that's probably because he's concentrating on his research." Axel groaned. "He's complaining that he smells it when he's trying to sleep."

I rolled my eyes, carefully concealing my curiosity. "Nightmares? So what does he want us to do about it?"

"Search the castle, of course. What else? I thought you'd be glad of something to do."

"Not at seven in the morning…" I grumbled.

"Well, you're up now. Grab a snack from the kitchen and get going. Marluxia wants you in charge of the upper levels. I'm taking the basement, and Larxene's got the first few floors." At the sight of my annoyed expression, he grinned. "Hop to it. Oh, and see Marluxia. He needs to give you cards to get into all the extra rooms."

I scowled and walked away, but as soon as I turned a corner my scowl turned into a triumphant smile. The perfect excuse! Namine lived here with us on the thirteenth floor. And I'd be up here all by myself, authorized to look through every inch of the place.

Sometimes a little bit of luck helped. I hurried to Marluxia's office, knocked on his door, and waited for him to unlock it. On seeing me, he smiled and handed me a ring that held quite a few cards.

"Give these back to me when you're finished, please. They cover every room on the top six floors, except for this room right here. I think I can handle this one." Then he retreated back into his office and shut the door.

To be safe—something I don't do often—I made a big show of looking around the kitchen, craning my neck obnoxiously to look in the cabinets and even opening the fridge, while munching on a granola bar.

Not that I wasn't interested in the possibility of another human in the castle. I thought about it while I looked. Maybe DiZ had decided to show up himself. Maybe that Keyblade master or his friends had finally dropped by. Or maybe there was another independent force at work against the Organization…maybe…DiZ had gotten another spy and sent them in.

That thought made me slam the fridge closed. DiZ trusted me. I was the best. He didn't need another spy.

Either way, priorities were always good. I was sure I'd find out about the mysterious scent sooner or later. But it didn't seem like the Namine question was going to be answered anytime soon unless I took advantage of this opportunity.

When I couldn't wait any longer, I ran out of the kitchen…and stopped myself. If I could make copies of these cards…I would have continual access to a good part of the castle, including everyone's bedrooms and Namine's room. Could this day get any better?

I knew that Vexen made our cards. He'd unlocked their secrets in the first place. Maybe I could get him to copy these for me before I had to return them…or maybe he could make me my own set.

It was a little risky. If anyone casually mentioned what I'd done to Marluxia, I might be in more than a little trouble. But I'd taken risks before.

I teleported down to the thirteenth basement floor and knocked insistently on the door to the research room, which I didn't have a key for. Zexion was the one who opened the door, obviously irritated by the intrusion.

"Axel already searched here, and it was distracting enough. We're about to reach a very important breakthrough, so if you don't mind…" he began to shut the door, but I stopped him.

"Hey, dude, I'm sorry, but Marluxia wanted me to come down here. He needs the upper floor cards so he wants Vexen to make me a set."

Zexion looked murderous, but he had to relent. I pushed past him, smiling beatifically. Vexen had heard the exchange from where he sat messing with a bunch of instruments I didn't understand. He growled but quickly reached into a desk and pulled out another ring of cards.

"These are for the upper thirteen floors. Take them and go."

An extra seven floors? Bonus! Luck loved me today.

"Thanks, Vex. Have fun!" I snatched the cards and bopped out of the room. Zexion slammed the door behind me.

"Grumpy," I muttered, and teleported back up to the thirteenth floor. But just before the darkness enveloped me, I saw a redheaded figure come around a corner and catch my eye.

Oops. That might need some explaining later.

Arriving back on the thirteenth floor, I tucked my spare cards in my cloak and took out the set Marly had given me, barely able to restrain myself from hurrying to Namine's room. I made a better effort to look bored and sleepy, and opened the doors.

There she sat. Her notebook lay open on her lap while her eyes stared unfocused off to the side. When I entered, she looked up quickly, seeming…afraid. Miserable. You couldn't fake that look in her eyes…could you?

"Just come in to check out the room," I announced cheerfully, suppressing the chills. "Seen any suspicious characters lurking around?"

The girl just shook her head and stared down her notebook. She looked around my age…

I walked around, though there wasn't really anywhere a person could hide in here. The room was so empty, and white. After an awkward few minutes, I walked over to Namine. She shrunk a little, and I got tired of her being so wimpy and me not understanding why.

"Geez, chick, chill out!" I snapped. "I don't bite."

She didn't move.

I sighed. "Come on, what's up? Why are you always so mopey? What's your problem?"

She stiffened and remained silent. It was grating on my nerves. I looked around for another chair, even though I already knew there were none. So I just sat on the floor. I felt weird, but I tried again in a slightly more gentle tone.

"Hey. I'm sorry if I'm freaking you out. But I'm curious. It can't be fun just sitting here day after day, with just that notebook and the pink-haired creep." It was a gamble insulting Marluxia, however true it might be, but I was rewarded with a small, reluctant smile from Namine. I grinned in return.

"You agree with me, see? Just don't tell him I said that, okay?"

"Okay."

I gasped involuntarily. It was the first time I'd heard her speak. Her voice was frail and soft. No surprise there. This chick had no heart and no backbone. But if I could make her an ally…

"So you never answered my question. What's the matter with you? What does Marluxia do when he's in here? And what do you do when he's gone?"

She gave me a surprisingly steady look. "Why do you care?"

Maybe I'd been too rash. Just because she'd laughed at my joke didn't mean she trusted me. And I was wearing the Organization's cloak. I didn't know for sure, but I could assume Namine wasn't very friendly towards us. Being held prisoner might do that.

Should I come clean to her, or would she blab to Marly when I left? Caution again lost the battle. I wanted information, and I was so close.

"I'm not your enemy," I said at length. "I don't really agree with the rest of the Organization on many counts. I guess you could say I'm an individual. And I'm curious. I mean, I'm bored enough as it is, but at least I can walk around. You must be going insane. I guess I feel sorta bad for you."

I hoped this was enough to answer her question without saying too much, and waited while she chewed it over. Then I saw her face change. She'd come to a decision.

"So…is this our little secret?" I prodded.

To my relief, the girl nodded. "You're right," she said, her voice as fragile as before. "I feel…so lonely here. All I am is a tool." I grew shocked as her blue eyes filled with tears. What the…? "Maybe…we can help each other."

I nodded slowly, still a little surprised. "Yeah…I definitely think we could."

"But…it's too late. I've done something terrible."

"Huh? What do you mean?" But my sharp ears picked up footsteps. I stood up quickly, taking care not to get carried away and turn shadowy, which would give away a guilty conscience.

"Marluxia," I told Namine quickly. "I've totally ignored you, okay? Look listless."

I jumped to another side of the room just as Marluxia opened the doors and I made sure my adrenaline was under control. I'd had a month of dead time to practice my powers, and it paid off now. So while Namine went back to staring into space—hopefully only I was observant enough to notice a slight change in her expression—I looked perfectly unsuspicious while I cheerfully looked under the stupid little table.

When I straightened up, I called, "Hey, Marly," and went back to inspecting a corner of the ceiling.

"Xylanis," he said cordially in reply. "Good. Larxene will be here in a moment."

I looked at him then. "Larxene?"

"There have been a few…developments. Things that Axel does not need to know." He raised his little pink eyebrows. "Understood?"

I let my face fall into a clueless, wondering expression. "Oh, yeah." I nodded my head vigorously.

Larxene walked in then with her customary cackle. I tried not to close my eyes in annoyance. "Axel's still down there looking for nothing! What do you have to tell us, boss?"

"Nothing?" I interrupted. "So it was just a distraction? Geez—I spent all that looking—"

"Not a distraction," Marluxia said. "We are merely taking advantage of an opportunity."

Larxene scoffed. "Oh, please. Zexy's probably just trying to play games with us. He's a crotchety old guy, always complaining about his 'smells.' Someone should tell him it's called a nose; everyone has one. You know, he was saying the same thing back in Neverwas. He's just gone crazy."

This was new information. I trusted Zexion's heightened senses more than Larxene did. What could he have smelled?

Marluxia continued. "Still, be cautious. But at the moment we will concentrate on our main objective."

Larxene grinned in anticipation.

"Namine has the power to manipulate the memories of a very interesting character and those connected to him."

"The Keyblade master! Right?" Larxene shouted gleefully.

The Keyblade master. I knew I'd encounter him eventually. His destiny enveloped all of ours. I was surprised it had taken this long for the Organization to target him. But with his memories? That was her power?

Marluxia nodded. "And unprompted, Namine has called out to his heart. I have just discovered him coming closer to the castle. Listen…" Oh, I was listening. No problem there. "Sora is the key to overthrowing the Organization. With our secret weapon, we could make him do _anything_."

Larxene giggled and clapped her hands, and I smiled, though I didn't really understand. Never before had I been so conscious that I was a born underling. Never understanding, just following orders.

I snuck a glance at Namine, whose head was lowered in shame as her cheeks reddened. How could she be a Nobody? She was so…emotional.

_I've done something terrible…_

Was that it? Well, I guess it sucked that the Keyblade master was walking right into a trap. But he could handle himself. He's the Keyblade master for a reason.

And me? I was ready for some action.

--

The meeting concluded. I dared not look at Namine again, but I told myself I'd be back. I walked out after Larxene, shutting the door behind me. I paused then, trying to decide what I should do the rest of the day. I was so charged with energy after things had finally started moving again that I couldn't go back to normal.

"How was the meeting?" said a light voice.

I turned to face it quickly. Before he even came into view, a million thoughts whirled through my head. Whose side would I be on in the upcoming conflict? The Organization's, or the rebels? How would I play this? A terrified, halfhearted sneak or a confident innocent? That depended on my side. Obviously Axel was on the opposite side.

What would DiZ say?

_Be on _your _side. Trust your judgment. Do whatever will serve _your _cause and make _you _safe. That is the job of a spy. Safety comes before everything._

For once, I agreed. My answer wasn't clear, so it was time to serve both sides in favor of my interests.

"What do you mean?" I said nervously to Axel as he lounged against a wall. The trademark saying of the guilty.

"In there." A head jerk toward the door. "Anything interesting going on? I would've come but I guess I missed the memo."

I opened my mouth to throw out a witty retort, then hesitated, glancing back at the door.

Axel smiled knowingly. "Let's walk."

I made as if I didn't want to go, but in the end I obeyed. I followed him to the kitchen, and sat down mutely, like a prisoner, while Axel reached in the fridge for a snack. He just looked at me while he chewed, waiting for me to talk.

I finally broke. My voice shook and my empty face showed worry and stress. "I don't know what to do; I just got here; everyone's telling me different things and expecting me to be as calm as they are but I don't know what I'm doing and all I can do is what I'm told but—"

"And what is Marluxia telling you?" Calm as ever.

I took a big breath. "You know already, don't you?"

"I might have a general idea."

It took me a moment's genuine hesitation. There was no going back. I told him the plan—all of it. As a spy, I was supposed to observe events, not influence them. When I had to make my mark, my safety came first. DiZ would figure out how to fix things up the way he wanted them later. He was good like that.

Axel listened without expression or comment, and started to leave—but I stopped him. "What am I supposed to do?"

His voice was suddenly full of scorn and took me by surprise. "You really are just like Demyx. All bravado but a coward underneath. Do what Marluxia asks—do what I ask—whatever will save your skin for the moment. But remember: the Organization comes first. Marluxia and Larxene are already marked for removal. If you betray the Organization, you'll be next." Then he left.

It had played out perfectly. I should have been smug. But for some reason, I couldn't stand his tone. I couldn't stand that he look down on me. I yelled after him.

"Of course I want to support the Organization. This isn't about me!"

A complete lie, of course. Which bothered me.

--

I tried to spend the rest of my day avoiding everyone else. I was excited that things were finally moving along, but I didn't feel like dealing with the secret looks everyone gave me. I walked around the halls, swinging my daggers with more energy than before, thinking about what might happen.

At dinner, Marluxia told all of us about Namine's powers, and that Sora would be coming to the castle soon and we would use him to test our theories on memories. Nothing more. Each of us looked so genuinely interested in the "new" information that it almost made me laugh. It was ironic how well I fit in here; none of us ever showed what we were truly thinking.

It was hard to write my report that night because I was so crazy with anticipation.

--

_The war is beginning. Marluxia is the leader of the rebels and is allying with me and Larxene. Today we had a meeting in secret, and he explained that he plans to somehow use the girl Namine…whose power is to manipulate the memories of those connected to Sora, including Sora himself…to bring the Keyblade master under his control and use him to take over the Organization. Axel is undeniably loyal, and I don't think anyone else will join Marluxia, either. Axel did catch me after the meeting. He suspected, so I followed your advice. I told him everything and now I'm sort of a double agent…or triple agent, including you. Though if you'd like me to openly support a particular side, I could do that. Like I've said, danger's not really going to bother me._

_Oh, I also forgot to mention…I went to see Namine in secret. I didn't get caught. It was a simple thing. Apparently she called out to Sora, which is what is bringing him closer to the castle. I established trust with her and if I ever need her help she'll be on my side, whichever side that is. She is unhappy…well, she doesn't like being under Marluxia's control, so it was a simple thing to get her to side with me. Don't complain, because you know it'll help._


End file.
